The roller coaster of fostering

Looking back, I find it hard to believe it has only been 7 months with all that we have been through.  This journey with Baby Girl Z has surely been more of a roller coaster than I ever guessed the day I said “yes” to her placement.   The game surely changed when I became a single mother of two under two (under one for a few weeks!).  There is SO much I want to say, but the time just isn’t right nor safe for most of it…

I can say that these two tiny humans consume my life and I wouldn’t change it for a thing.  I have no doubt that God had these two in my plan long ago and has been preparing me for years to navigate this roller coaster of being their mother (forever or temporarily… only time will tell).

I hope that one day soon I can share the story of our journey, because I can tell you that all who know (believers and non-believers) use words like “divine intervention”, “miracle”, “once in a lifetime”, “what are the chances” etc..  I have no doubt that we were meant to be a family and that this baby girl was meant to turn our world upside down.

Today was a hard day.  I had high hopes and spent the last month since the last court date telling myself to stay positive and all was going to work out better than I planned.  But as I sat anxiously in the courtroom today playing with Baby Girl Z and watching the private conversations at the front of the court room, my stomach tightened and I knew things weren’t going how we hoped.  I had walked in confident we were finally going to be moving to the top of the list to be her permanent home…. but we left disappointed, frustrated and back at the bottom of the list behind at least 10 other homes.  As we get closer and closer to Baby Girl Z turning one, the pressure to be at the top of the list to be her permanent placement becomes more stressful and more important.  Even though most involved in our case all agree that we are the best place for her and there is no reason to move her… our justice system says otherwise.  Our case is one-of-a-kind and likely may be a precedent case in the future… and the system unfortunately is working against us.

Although it was a really hard day in this roller coaster, we WILL FIGHT.  We are NOT giving up and letting this baby girl go.  What appears to be the next step is one I dread and one that scares me… I have done everything to avoid it.  The risk to our safety will increase and the cost could be high… but this Baby Girl Z is meant to be with us, no doubt!

 

The bond between my two babies is UNDENIABLE.

They were meant to find each other.

I know we say it with basically every post, but every day I am astonished by the love and support we get along this journey.  We are SO thankful for the prayers and love.  I know better than ever that is takes a VILLAGE and we literally could not be where we are with these two beautiful babies with out the help of our friends and family.  I dream of the day we can reveal this beautiful girl’s smile and laugh to those who have yet to see it… it is contagious!  Keep those prayers coming…. the roller coaster ride is far from over.

xoxo,

Katie, Lil G and Baby Girl Z