It’s been two weeks since I handed Big L back to his mom for the final time…. I couldn’t be more grateful for God’s timing with my vacation and having Baby G with me to help with the healing. My previous placements were much shorter so this transition was different than any before.
Again, I couldn’t be any luckier with my relationship with his mommy. She knew that moment I handed him over would be hard and invited me in to stay for a bit. I was working hard to stay strong so I declined the offer, but was so thankful for the gesture. Our love for that lil guy is one thing neither could deny we will always share. I asked him for a “kiss-kiss” which he always gives since he’s a lil love bug and then waved good bye.
I held back the tears until I drove away… Heartbroken but reassured I would see the lil guy again.
A couple of days later in the midst of vacation his sweet mommy surprised me with a precious photo of him and told me he missed me. I must have done something right along the way to be so blessed to get such a sweet message. I can’t wait to schedule a play date for my foster baby brothers after I give the family some time to reunite and re-establish normal 🙂
With all transitions/goodbyes I find I am a cleaner… I need to put all their toys and clothes away ASAP. Like most of it before they leave so that when I return home I don’t find an empty home full of reminders that they are gone. Big L’s clothes and almost all his toys were put away before I drove him home. I thought the “cleanse” would help, especially when I returned home from vacation. I definitely think it’s a good step for me to take in the healing process but this time all the cleaning didn’t change “his room”.
All the other children had stayed so short that it never changed from the “baby room”. The neutral room I worked so hard to make generic and not too personalized with decor is still “Big L’s room”…. I literally can’t bring myself to move Baby G’s clothes into the nursery. I cry at the thought of it… I guess it’s the final step that acknowledges he’s gone.
I pray that time heals and eventually a little construction project can create a nursery for Baby G… It just may be another bedroom than Lil L’s 😉
He left a permanent mark on not just this house but my heart ❤️
