Change is coming…

It’s an anxious time in our house…  Final inspections on the conditions keeping Big L from going home are underway and it’s looking like anyday we will have the discussion about starting to transition him back home.  Baby Boy had a court date that didn’t finalize his name that I picked for him (which will make him Lil G) but the court is proceeding forward with calling him that name while investigation and paperwork continues.  I am getting closer and closer to my vacation which I am excited yet anxious about my first time flying with an infant (yikes for all the gear!) and leaving Big L behind with a respite care provider (aka another foster care family) so he can continue visitation with his parents.  So many questions up in the air and lots of preparation, meetings with caseworkers and setting up all the details to make everything happen.

Not only will Big L be leaving soon but once I return from vacation I will be back on my own taking care of my kiddos without my mom.  I would be lying if I said I was sure I could handle (while remaining sane) balancing the two kids with appointments and visitation and work full-time.  It’s a challenge I will take no doubt, but it is scary.

While it’s hard to imagine home without my toddler, it’s a moment I have been preparing for since the day he arrived nearly 4 months ago.  And his mommy is SO excited for him to be coming home soon, it’s just heartwarming.  She and dad have worked hard to get things in-line so he can return home and I know they feel proud of there accomplishments.  I am excited to see the joy on their faces as I hand him over for the final time… I can’t promise tears won’t be rolling down my face but I whole-heartedly know that is where God is calling this little man back to.  More than once, mom has told me that I can see him anytime and she hopes I will remain a part of his life…. Something I feel so grateful for!

In the meantime, I cherish the moments as I ask Big L to kiss Baby Boy (Lil G) and he gently does just that… It’s just too cute!! There are hard times when I feel frustrated too as Big L has temper tantrums about not being the center of attention like he is used to and times I feel overwhelmed or like a failure….but all is part of this beautiful journey of motherhood and life and fostering.

The outcomes ahead will all be God’s plan so I try to remind myself of that as the anxiety rises with all the unknowns. Thy will be done as God intends.

I look forward to the days ahead as my crazy adventure unfolds…

P.S.  THANK YOU for all the support… I am soooo humbled throughout this experience as I reach out for help and feel the love and support and outreach along this journey.  To all whom this journey touches, I am so grateful.  My life may be a bit crazy but it’s nothing short of a blessing and it only adds to the joy when others feel connected to my children and show them love! Thank YOU!