break my heart for what breaks Yours

I delivered my precious lil baby C to his kinship placement this evening, which broke my heart.  It hurts, plain and simple.  With this lil guy, my heart has been hurting for days as I knew this transition was coming and the tears just kept rolling.  I really never imagined that one week with a tiny human could bring so much love, but I learned from this placement that the length has no correlation to the attachment and connection you make with a child.
No amount of foster care training prepares you for those final moments with a child that has stolen your heart that you will likely never cross paths with again.  All I could do was speak truths in that moment to tell him “I love you and God loves you.  He has great plans for you.”  All my love for him may never be enough to keep him safe in the journey that lies ahead of him, but I know that he too is a child of God so I take comfort and trust in the Lord’s plans.

When I began this journey, my prayer to God has been “break my heart for what breaks Yours,” so my prayers have been answered.  I know it sounds crazy to pray for heart break, but anyone who agrees to be a foster parent has signed up for heart break.   A child enters my home because his current family is unable to keep him/her safe which I know breaks God’s heart as well as mine.  And when each child leaves my home, it may break my heart but it’s breaking God’s heart to keep that child from his parents or another safe  alternative placement (ie. kinship or adoption).  There is beauty in the breaking.

“Doesn’t this break your heart?” is probably one of the most common questions I get asked when people learn that I am a foster mom.  “YES” it does.  But my heart has been broken many times, and I know I can survive the heart break.  I believe that every time my heart has been broken before was preparation for this ministry that God has called me to.   My women’s group leader has been telling me for the last two years that God prepares you for what he has in store for you.  This journey has revealed that truth to me more than ever before.  I am so thankful that God is breaking my heart in hopes to prevent the hearts of the children from breaking and for allowing me to provide love and a safe place for these children for as long or as short as needed.